The guy arrives to pick up his date and her father hands him this:

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE:This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME______________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________

HEIGHT____________ WEIGHT_____________

IQ__________ NATIONAL INSURANCE #____________________

DRIVERS LICENSE #________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES
_____________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS__________________________ TOWN/COUNTY___________
POSTCODE_____

Do you have ONE male and ONE female parent?__________

If NO, explain___________

Number of years parents married________

If less than your age, Explain____________________

Do you own a van?_____ A truck with oversized tires?_____

A waterbed?__________

A pickup with a mattress in the back?______ A condom?______

Pornography?_______

Do you have earring, nose ring, or a belly button ring?________

A tattoo?___________

(IF YES TO THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES)
In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?
____________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER, mean to
you?_____________________________

In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?
__________________________________________

Church you attend_________________________________

How often you attend_______

When would be the best time to interview your father, mother, and
priest?_____________

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers
are

confidential. (that means I won’t tell anyone EVER)

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would
be___________________________
B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is
my__________________________
C: A woman’s place is in the
__________________________________________________
D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about
is_____________________
E: When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first
is_________________________

NOTE: if answer E begins with T or A, discontinue. Leaving premises keeping
your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.

What do you want to do IF you grow
up__________________________________________

What is the current going rate of a hotel
room?____________________________________

Condoms come in A: 3 B: 6 C: 9 D: 12 E: ALL OF THE ABOVE (circle one)

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO
THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, CRUCIFIXION,
ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND MARGARET
THATCHER KISS TORTURE.

_______________________________________
Signature (that means sign your name moron)

Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for
processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not
try to call or write (since you probably can’t, and it would cause you
injury) If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman
wearing white ties carrying violin cases (you might watch your back).

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