THE MODERN ONLINE DATING SCHOOL- A CRASH COURSE IN THE HARSH REALITY OF ONLINE LOVE:
NOTHING works the same in ONLINE DATING as it does in the real world. Read these tips from many of the millions of men & women online dating. This is what actual people have experienced hundreds of thousands of times over. Send us your tips at the bottom of this page. It will save your love life!
In America, marketing companies state that the average person quits online dating sites within 16 days, usually out of frustration and confusion. These dating-skills lessons, brought to you be fellow-daters, will prepare you for what you will encounter in online dating so you will be effective in the process. Some of the things you will learn are “harsh” facts-of-life, but it is better that you go in prepared, right?
HOTTEST TOPIC: Fake Profile Crisis With Dating Mill Sites
First, Figure out why you are online dating. These are some of the most common reasons people say they are doing it (Please send in more):
1. A friend put you up to it.
2. You want a husband or wife.
3. You want a hook-up.
4. You want a friend with benefits.
5. You want sex on a regular basis.
6. You want a boyfriend or girlfriend.
7. You are bored.
8. You are attractive, but not in high school or college, and need attention validation like you used to get in school.
9. You want to validate your negative feelings about the other gender.
10. You want an activity partner.
11. You just got divorced and you want to see what it is like.
12. Your coupled up friends imply that coming over stag makes you an outcast.
13. You want an attractive person, to be seen in public with, to enhance social or career status.
14. Your family is pressuring you to get a relationship.
15. You want an “Arrangement”, where the other person pays your mortgage or expenses in exchange for sex.
16. You want a baby.
17. You want free dinners, movies and entertainment but have no intention of anything more.
18. You want to make an ex jealous or drive an ex back to you.
19. A mix of the above.
20. You just want anything that sounds fun at the moment and are not thinking past the next 48 hours.
21. You want a one night stand.
22. You are a full-on Kim Kardasian “Attention Whore”, don’t care about a relationship, and just want attention.
23. others??? (Keep sending us more tips)
ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT DATING TIPS YOU WILL EVER LEARN:
When women have sex it releases a chemical in their brain called Oxytocin. This makes them connect, bond and attach. This chemical process does not happen in men. A slight chemical release occurs in many men but it causes slight emotions to rise which scare men, because they hide more emotions than women, and the men then run away. Prostitutes learn how to turn the Oxytocin reaction off. This is why men and women have totally different reactions in the days following the first sex with a new partner. Men are chemically built to be non-monogamous. Women are chemically built to be monogamous. The biological & neurological brain structure of each gender is totally different (see this proof), so men & women often have no idea what each other mean by certain things they say. Each gender hears meanings differently.
GENERAL TOPIC TIPS:
(See top navigation menu for focused topics)
Pamela– “I never had so much fun or so many dates in my life.”
Randall- “People don’t ever show up for most of these first internet coffee dates. They forget or blow you off or freak out or flake out. If you didn’t swap phone numbers before the first meeting, plan to waste a few hours driving to, waiting and driving back and having your whole schedule for that day shot. Don’t go to a first coffee date without a phone number so you can coordinate when you don’t recognize each other or can’t find the place or etc., etc..Anybody can get a free google voice number so they don’t have to give out their real number. Not giving you their number often indicates they are a scammer.”
Susan- “Hurting peoples feelings and ignoring the fact that they made themselves vulnerable by offering you love has the worst of all reactions in online dating. Never forget that the person on the other end of the keyboard is a human being with emotions and hopes. You are not buying a comic book at a garage sale. You are sharing personal connection. Instead of having a gut reaction to them not being as handsome as you hoped, react gently and with consideration.”
Becka- “Men are genetically ingrained to be territorial. Women’s men “friends” may suddenly nay-say the new guy, use psychological tricks to create stress and suddenly confess their “secret love” for you in order to cut the new guy off at the knees. As soon as your guy friends, ex-husband, old boyfriend, (even your children) etc, hear that you have a date, they will often try to jack-up your plans in order to protect their turf. If you are divorced then you usually already have a conflict relationship over child custody and schedules, watch for the ex-husband to constantly change child pick-up times, days to pick-up and other schedule shifts at the last minute if he suspects you have dating plans. Stand firm on your plans so you are not victimized by the ex-husband’s territorial strategies. “
Sondra– “I was a dating shill, known as a paid fake date writer for a dating site. This is how it works: If you see an impossibly pretty girl or guy on a dating site, you need to ask yourself: “why do they need a dating site?”. When you write them they actually write you back and they sound all interested BUT they happen to be on a trip for 1-2 weeks in Hawaii or Europe or someplace where pretty people hang out. This is not a real person, it is often a fake writer like I was hired to be. Dating sites hire people like me to put up tons of fake pretty people profiles and respond in order to get you to fantasize that you MIGHT have gotten that impossibly pretty person as your date “if only they were not in another country right now”. They want to keep you hooked on paying for their service. Dating site owners know that people that are dumb enough to believe that super models will date them, are also dumb enough to forget to check back in 2 weeks to see if Miss Runway Model actually came back and will meet with you. If someone does not talk to you on the phone or meet you in person, they are not a real person. If someone says they will be back in two weeks, put them in your calendar and call them in two weeks to check up on them. If someone did check up on us we were taught to say: “Oh, I ran into my old boyfriend in Hawaii and we got back together.”
Andres- ” Meet as soon as possible. A majority of people that spend time talking, first, on this online dating, seem to be disappointed. The majority have a wonderful set of emails and phone calls and think they have met the love of their life. .. but when they meet, the chemistry is not there and both parties are twice as hurt by the brick wall because they have already created expectations and wishful thinking via advance communication. Most people find each other adorable on hours of phone calls but only 1% of the people said they had chemistry in person and vice versa. That has been the story that most other users on online dating have posted in tens of thousands of blogs so this appears to be the consensus of a general trend. Just an FYI. One would be losing relationships if they try to force a computer system to act human by using it for the initial interaction. You have to meet in the real world to not get screwed up by the computer and its process. One has to get out of the digital/chat room world as fast as they can and into the tangible real world of touch, vision and the other senses. Another reason for meeting soon is that people blog that a large number of people they start emailing with, suddenly cancel future meetings because someone else they were emailing with met them sooner. In many cases, when they have to book the first meeting a week or more out, they will contact you the day before and cancel the meeting because they starting seeing others they dated within that week delay. Most connections never happen because someone else gets there first.”
Dana- “If you just divorced a millionaire and your friends are forcing you to “get back out there” and get on a dating site you will fail. Guys on dating sites make an average of $30,000.00 per year according to the census. You need to 100% rethink your lifestyle or you need to use a $10,000.00 fee matchmaking service to find a new millionaire. Millionaires are NOT on dating sites, they use matchmaking services and “procurers”. Nice, poor/average income guys are on them. Millionaires are usually mean but you can go out to fancy places, Average guys are poor and kind and appreciative but you have to eat more pasta.”
Peter- “You have to be one of the first three people to meet the people that just got on the dating site in the last 2 days. After that they are just going to be stuck in the dating conveyer belt, overbooked, distracted by too many dates, viewing you compared to 30 other people in a horse race and they will soon either quit internet dating from burnout or pick one and be off the market. Time is short in online dating, move fast.”
Ines– “Prostitutes use dating services, now, to advertise because Craigslist is closed off to them. You can tell which ladies are prostitutes by the code words they put in their ads. The code words are: “appreciates the finer things”, “gentlemen”, “discretion”, “discrete”, “generous”, “appreciative”, worth your time”, “quality woman”, “valuable”, “money”, “quality restaurants”,”..who can provide the comforts I expect..”,”..a man who appreciates my value..”, “..The lifestyle to which I am accustomed”… ,”..High-quality clothes and experiences..”, “..brand names are so much nicer, don’t you think?…” ,”…a man who knows what a lady needs…” “…Who can spend the right kind of money and have the right kind of time..””high quality experience”, “appreciates”, “hobby”, “nice things”, “hobbyist”. Be aware.”
Randy- “You have emotional responsibility for each and every person you engage with online. In their minds eye, you have a relationship with them from the first response because you engaged with them on a site where you advertised your availability for intimate or emotional sharing with, potentially, them. Behave. Be nice. Don’t delete people and think they will not get steamed. Do things as you want things done to you.”
Porter- ” I see that these dating and “social network companies are just using us: LinkedIn and Match.com Customers Allege Companies Hacked E-Mail Addresses, Bloomberg; LinkedIn Corp. (LNKD), owner of the world’s most popular professional-networking website, was sued by customers who claim the company appropriated their identities for marketing purposes by hacking into their external e-mail accounts and downloading …” http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2013-09-20/linkedin-customers-say-company-hacked-their-e-mail-address-books.html… I have seen Match.com and E-Harmony do this too..”
Regina- “Sexual politics have killed off a majority of first dates. While it may seem rude or inappropriate to discuss sex on the first few dates, it is a large part of “dating”. If you get down the road and have actual sex only to find that you have two different styles, then the whole relationship is over in minutes after weeks or months of wasted “dating”. Kissing and petting are key to testing the waters early. Also, if you have not gone into Walgreen’s or CVS or RiteAid, etc. and asked the pharmacist for the “Oraquick” 20 minute home HIV test, gotten a Gardisil vaccination and acquired “Plan B” pills (Google these if you don’t know what they are) then you are not ready to even go there. Condoms stop babies, they do not stop the 125+ others STD’s you can get even WITH a condom. Most can be cured with a pill. Condoms break, leak, spill and latex is permeable to some instigants. Condoms only reduce HIV. Get an ORAQUICK HIV test from your local drugstore and keep it in your car. Brush your teeth and take “Breath Assure(TM)” tablets. Bad breath kills off many dates. Know what you really want. Most people are specifically looking for marriages, sex, babies, distractions, fun, social status, therapy or other certain things. Compare notes on your actual needs in the first date. There is nothing wrong with just looking for sex, the volume of people is higher with computer dating so the odds are better, just be clear up front. In fact few people can have “just sex” without falling in love afterwards.”
Sansol– “Don’t go online dating without pictures, you will just get harassed and abused by everyone yelling at you for not having a picture in a system that relies on pictures. Don’t go online dating without a disposable phone number. You will get in all kinds of problems without having a phone number you can use. You can get a disposable phone at Walgreens for $25 or a free disposable phone number from Google Voice or hundreds of other virtual phone services.”
Martin- “WARNING GUYS:: There are a vast number of girls who sell pregnancy tests with positive results on Craigslist. Then there are another huge bunch of girls who put dating ads on Match.com, get a date with you, have sex and then whip out the positive pregnancy test they bought and demand cash or marriage. It is a scam. If someone says they are pregnant, do the pregnancy test and DNA test with them at YOUR doctors office. There are a large number of articles about this but most guys are too dumb to look them up. Other girls on Craigslist just say they are pregnant in order to get you to ask them to sell girls a positive test. Watch out. Get your tubes cut (A vasectomy) now.”
Samson– “Dating sites collect data on everything you do, look at, read and type-in and store it for years in order to market things to you. On top of that, we can now see the news headlines about all social media and dating sites being recorded and stored by federal investigators as you can read in the now-famous tracking headlines in your newspaper. Only put what you need to put online. Don’t over-write.”
Andrea- “In online dating, I have found that most people cancel a few hours, sometimes a half hour before the first meeting. It is beyond rude, ruins your plans for the day and makes you feel rejected and like you don’t count because they thought of you as just a click on a computer and not an actual person. Don’t cancel on people, it is really is harsh. People are not disposable like that.”
Pauline- “Everybody asks: ‘How long have you been doing this online dating thing?’ , This is actually a question designed to judge you. What they are really asking is: ‘ why hasn’t anybody picked you yet.?. Don’t ask things like that. It will never be revealing without detailed explanation”
Susie-” People with kids are able to date just as much as people without kids if they have a balanced life. Most single parents are able to get 3 full nights a week totally to themselves. If you can’t pull this off, talk to a parent who does to figure it out. Don’t discuss emotional topics in email with someone you have never met. On spending money: Women expect men to pay and men expect women to practice the “womens liberation” they fought for. Women want proof of stability and men want sexual reciprocation. Men get burned out buying a string of meals for strangers they will never see again. Men feel used and women feel diminished if the man doesn’t pay…This is the hardest subject in dating. Manage expectations on this from the beginning. Dating math = To find a great marital partner you will spend the rest of your life with you need to meet at least 1000 people. To find a great LTR dating partner you need to meet at least 150. 99% of these meetings will not work out. If a guy meets one person a day for a month and the cost of food, parking & misc. adds up to $95/night then he has to spend nearly $3000.00 a month just to see if there is a chance. If the lady says to the man that “Her mom taught her that the man must always pay”, or “she was raised in the South”, or ‘She was brought up to let the man be the provider”, in a recession. How do you think this makes the guys feel? Avoid dinners for the first few dates or agree to Dutch treat unless you both are looking for a trophy-partner or transactional-sexual relationship.”
Donald- “If you are wanting to blow somebody off and you are online dating, do not say you have “met someone” and then leave your profile up. If you say you just “met someone” and your profile is still up advertising you to the world as single then it is obvious to the person you blew off that you are lying to them and you will just piss people off. If they see your profile still up or get a notice (such as match.com sends out to everybody each time you go into your profile) they may feel lied to. IT bears repeating: If you just got out of a relationship, do not use a dating service to either A: See if you are over it or B: try to get your ex to become jealous and come back to you. It is cruel to the other people that are meeting you that area “ready-to-go. If you are sitting in front of someone you just met but are not attracted to, don’t say: “I just don’t think this online dating is for me”, or “…date.com just isn’t working out for me..” because the person in front of you is going to assume you are including them in the failures and feel pretty bad. ”
Galia- “Most people do not give out their correct age on dating site postings. Everyone has a +/- 10 year appearance/stamina variance compared to someone else of the same age. Expect huge non-compliance on your age-range request. It is ageist to use numerical ages as decision factors. Most people do date outside their age range once they meet in person without knowing ages beforehand. A certain number of people on dating sites are “shills” or fake daters hired by the dating site to make it look like you are having more success than you actually are in order to keep your membership fees going. The clue is that as soon as your email them, they suddenly have to take off on a 2 week trip or other excuse which keeps them from meeting you for 2 weeks in the assumption that someone else will have caught your attention.”
Vanessa- “You may think this is crass but as a model, this is what I have learned. GIVE THE MAN WHAT HE WANTS. What do rich men want? If your answer is sex, you are right in one respect. Yes, all men want sex. But sex flows freely to a man with money. If your body is your only card on the table, you haven’t got much to offer. When he’s tired of the sex with you, he’ll be moving on. Don’t be naive and think that you’re good in bed and that will hold him. No matter how good you are, some other woman can be just as satisfying, just as inventive and men get bored with the same woman over and over again. There’s a term that men use called “strange sex.” It’s doesn’t mean that the sex is strange, it’s sex with a stranger that’s exciting. No matter how many times he tells you that it is the best sex he ever had, eventually he will get the urge to move on. All men want “strange”. Remember this quote: “For every beautiful woman there is some guy who is tired of f**king her.” -Eddie Murphy. Truth”
Roger- “If you have had none of these experiences after 3 or more weeks of online dating or meeting over 18 people online, whichever comes first, then you are not in the norm or you are living in a bubble.’
Susanah- “You are a PARTY GIRL if you are proud that you know all of the doormen and the bar and nightclub owners. They point you out as “easy”. Party Girl = “tramp”.
Roger- “Guys, putting after-market stuff on your car has never in history gotten a guy laid. No living woman notices or cares if you have a fin on your Nissan or blue lights under the dash or chrome hubcaps.”
Anderson- “Beware of people who choose the very limited space you have in a dating ad to state that they “don’t like drama”. NOBODY likes drama. If a person is so scared of the real world that they feel compelled to mention the drama concern then you can be sure that they are mentally unbalanced and hanging by a thread. Avoid that person. They don’t read the news and live in a tiny bubble that will shatter at the drop of the hat. Not a good relationship candidate.”
Susan– “The book called Lean In, has created quite a bit of discussion about women joining together to get rid of THE DITZY WOMAN concept. You never hear a man called Ditzy. Adult woman who post ads with “I just love to laugh”, I am looking to just have fun”, “Life is good and I am just perfect”.. etc. superficial persona’s are hurting women everywhere. Act like, and be, an adult unless you actually are 18 years old.”
Debbie K- “Nobody should be dating unless they know about oxytocin, hormones and social programming. When you have sex oxytocin is released into your brain and you will start doing crazy things from that point forward. Hormones also make you do things you would not normally want to do, so does alcohol. If you think you are in control of dating, you are way wrong. Read up. Know what is really going on. If you are a gold-digger you better read: http://MillValleyConfidential.weebly.com “
THE WORST IDEAS FOR PROFILE PICTURES:
2. Half lidded eyes. While magazine ads have trained us to think half lidded eyes are “sexy”, the reason they are “sexy” is because it makes you look like you are intoxicated, easy and slutty.
3. Praying Mantis giant sunglasses. While great for Ukrainian escorts, not so much for selling yourself.
4. Many shots of sporty bare midriffs, shiny bare shoulders, bikinis. Even if you have rationalized that you are just doing it to force the point that are really damn out-doors-y, it doesn’t come across that way to the rest of the world. It looks, to the opposite sex, like you are selling one thing.
5. Big Jewels. We all know you like “nice things” but since almost nobody else has big formal socialite jewels in their pix, it puts a certain superficial message out.
6. Someone with their arm around you cut out of photo. If your social life is so bad that your only profile picture is of you and a deleted person, it doesn’t look good.
7. Your passport photo. This is just plain frightening and beyond lame. It shows you are putting no effort into it.
8. Guys with boats, jets, cars, motorcycles. Every lady says this is the biggest turn-off ever. It is just dumb, arrogant and egotistical
9. Harley Life. If all of your shots are of you on a Harley or wearing Harley gear then you need to probably use a biker dating site and not match.com. Many people into Harley are into meth and alcohol addiction and use it as a support group.
10. Tattoos. We know you think that they are a “statement” but every other person on Earth thinks they mean you are “easy”, “shallow”, “impulsive”, “ill-considered” and “funky”. Laser tattoo removal works great these days. “Tramp Stamps” are called that for a reason.
11. Squeezing your cat/dog to death. Picking a picture of you hugging your cat/dog in your profile picture tells your potential mate: “I am obsessed with this animal. It is your competition for my time and attention. I will talk about it constantly and always need to leave dates to feed and pet it. It sleeps with me more than you ever will.”
12. Streaks and contrasty highlights in your hair message: “Stripper”, “Surfer”, “Hollywood Wanna Be”. If you want to tell everybody you are an easy lay and like being treated like an object, streak it out.