Does having “things in common” matter?

Everyone on a dating site has “things in common”. They want a relationship, they are open to a relationship, they do some things for work and some things for fun. The term “things in common” came from high-society social protocol training in older countries where it meant that certain people were from the same bloodlines and economic classes or not.

Most dates, dating periods and marriages end in divorce and break-ups. Those are mathematic facts. Most of those relationships started out with each person seeing “things in common”, which is, essentially, a checklist of matching factoids. So, based on social history, “getting to know you” and “things in common” lists may not be relevant to a great relationship if both of you are not repressed or fixed into a limited social bubble.

Dating sites are about checklists and computers and not actual experiences you share together. If you decide to pick people to meet, based on a checklist, the percentage of divorce and break-ups is much higher.

In reality, if you both have actual fun and rewarding experiences together, the things in common checklist often does not matter relative to past experiences.

If you collect stamps and your potential partner does not list “stamp collecting” on their dating site list of interests should you delete their profile?

Have you considered that each person has had millions of experiences, enjoys millions of things and that there are billions of things in the world that neither of you have even experienced yet, together or apart?

Many people enjoy everything that is fun to do. Do not limit people because they could not fit all of their interests in a pre-formatted HTML dating site form.

As two people play together they grow together and develop common interests. In a good relationship, the relationship gets stronger when you both discover new things and introduce each other to things that you have expert knowledge, or past experience in. Diversity is the spice of life.

Don’t cut potential people out because one page of text didn’t list everything you did for fun last week if your are attracted to other aspects of the person. You might be missing the best relationship you ever had.